My Life on a Diet

Most famous people long in the tooth, if they are not dead, quietly retired, or resting on their well-earned laurels, tend keep a very low profile. You rarely even hear about them. But not the indefatigable, 85-year-old Renee Taylor, an Energizer bunny whose funny and bittersweet autobiographical one-woman-show, My Life on a Diet, is currently playing to full houses at St Clement’s Theater here in New York City.

Yes, Taylor’s “Diet” is the talk of the town—so popular with those who are carrying around a few extra pounds—and who isn’t?—and those who are still laughing at her six-year sitcom stint (1993-1999) as Fran Drescher’s mother on “The Nanny.” Taylor’s laugh-ridden solo, co-written with her late husband Joe Bologna, has been extended through September 2nd.

This is something of a comeback for Taylor, who recently moved here from Beverly Hills. Given the immense interest of the press, just about everybody everywhere has featured an interview with the straight-shooting, delightfully candid, and undeniably entertaining actress. I wouldn’t be surprised if another extension is lurking.

Thanks to the uncanny genius of set designer Harry Feiner, My Life on a Diet opens with a spot-on, garishly designed leopard-skin decorated set complete with a sculpted golden desk and an ornate royal chair. This instantly signals the audience, even before the jewelry-bedecked Queen Taylor sails onto the stage, that we are about to be treated to a highly designed, outsized theatrical experience.

Echoing Feiner’s his genius is costume designer Pol’ Atteu who, going for glamour and glitter, has clothed Taylor in a cleavage-showing filigree cocktail dress of incandescent shades of eye-popping pinks and creams. This not only matches the bravura of the set but brings to mind the late, great Mae West, whom Taylor highly resembles. None of this is coincidental, because Taylor informs us later on that she is indeed writing a three-character play about Mae West. Well-known for her mimicry skills, there is little doubt that Taylor will be taking on the Mae West role.

Putting the idea of food into our minds, the Bronx-born Taylor starts her show from offstage as she is heard reciting the beginning lyrics of the novelty song “The Frim Fram Sauce” made famous by Nat King Cole during the early forties:
“I don’t want French fried potatoes
Red ripe tomatoes
I’m never satisfied.
I want the frim frame sauce with oss-en-fay
With sha fafa on the side…"

Following these food-tempting lyrics, Taylor, dressed to the nines and entering to applause, introduces herself specifically to those in the audience thusly: “just in case you don’t know me cause somebody dragged you to see a show about diets.” On the heels of this tongue-in-cheek introduction, photos of Taylor taken in her 20s, 30s and right through to her 70s flash across a large screen placed at the back of the stage. As to Taylor in her 80s, with a glint in her eye, and pointing to herself, she exclaims “This is me today.” Of course this brings another round of applause.

What I found most strange, though Taylor does admit to having gotten very fat since she was eating food off everybody’s plate during her “Nanny” days, is that in every one of these photos of Taylor through the years (and God she was quite the looker), nowhere is there a trace of any fat. Of course, one’s bodily self-image does not always coincide with reality.

Soaking up audience love, Taylor continues. “When I told my doctor about my one-woman memoir, he said “How are you going to move around the stage for an hour and a half? You have arthritis, bursitis, sciatica and the beginning of osteoporosis…and a broken foot. Why don’t you retire?” I said, “And do what?” He said, “Perform for elderly people.” I said, “That’s what I do now.”

He said, “You’re going to have to memorize over two hundred projection cues; and, you’re already on ginko overload.” Not missing a beat Taylor replies, “Actually, I don’t really need this. I can jump! I can kick! I can do the mambo!!!...in the pool. On dry land, I can walk, I can sit. I just have trouble sitting after I walk and getting up after I sit…and then forgetting why I wanted to sit in first place. So, I’m going to stay seated and read my memoir.” With this Taylor, walks to her desk and lowers herself onto her royal chair and, barely consulting the script in front of her, begins to deliver her sit-down/stand-up routine. She is accompanied by flashing photos, video clips from her various movies and TV appearances, and intimate stories of her relationships with her mother Frieda (whose hilarious shenanigans get the most laughs of the evening) and Bologna, to whom she was married for 53 years. The pair worked together both as writers or actors (sometimes both) o many theater and film/TV projects.

We are also treated to stories of her friendships with the likes of Streisand, Marilyn Monroe, Elaine May, Jack Parr, and Merv Griffin on whose TV shows she made regular appearances. Through her routine, we get to meet both Lee Strasberg and Stella Adler, under whom Taylor studied acting. Even fellow acting student Marlon Brando makes an appearance. In typical Taylor style, she recounts sitting next to Brando in class, and, turning to him and playfully asking, “Are you going to leave me alone?” His lackluster response is “I’m not doing anything” and her Tailored retort is “I know. Why not?”

Fulfilling the promise of her play’s title, we are exposed to numerous diets that Taylor has tried over past 70 years. There was the US Army diet: 6 hard boiled eggs a day. The Lord Byron Diet: 2 tablespoons of vinegar before each meal. The Watermelon Diet: 6 quarts of watermelon juice a day. The Long Island Hadassah Diet: 2 kosher chicken thighs a day. A grape diet courtesy of Monroe, and my very favorite, the Sicilian Nun’s Spiritual Diet which she read about in “a trashy magazine at the beauty parlor.” “They all worked,” Taylor claims, “but what happens is when you go off it, you gain a lot of weight quickly.”

Other than her late husband, whom she “still talks to every day, and he talks to me,” her most deeply affecting heartfelt stories center around her friendship with one ever-iconic actress whose life we never tire of hearing about: “My favorite movie star that came to Lee’s classes was Marilyn Monroe…I never saw skin like hers…she was really gorgeous, her skin was translucent—you could really see through it. When she got up to act, she was so frightened and nervous, she actually shook...she was the biggest star in Hollywood, but she didn’t consider herself a success because she wasn’t appreciated as a good actress in the movies. I marveled at her risk-taking in front of young actors, who as part of the class would dare to criticize her work. I wouldn’t dare criticize her, because I was terrified of hurting her work.”

Not one to rest on her decades of showbiz credits, Taylor is up to her eyeballs in current and future work. Besides her Mae West show, she is also working on a play about Joseph Bologna, cleverly titled “A Cup of Joe.” Obviously with a 53-year marriage to the love of her life, she has a lot to say. Also on the way is her writer-director son Gabriel Bologna’s movie “Tango Shalom,” in which she has a part. As I said earlier, Taylor is indefatigable. So stay tuned—a lot more of her is on the way.